Tag Archives: happiness

Don’t Tell Me How to Remember

I was asked, a few times, why I don’t like to go to the cemetery where my parents’ urn has been placed….

First, it really isn’t anyone’s business but if someone is crass enough to question this – here is my answer:

I have gone, but the result is not what my parents would have wanted. Neither of them were known to make visits to their own parent’s graves. They both hated it and I know why…it is pointless.

I went yesterday and placed a few flowers in a vase, in front of a marble columbarium. There was a plaque with Mom and Dad’s date of birth and their deaths. A cold structure that does not reflect them or my memories of them. The visit did not elicit warm fuzzies but instead, brought back nothing but sadness, heartache and grief. If you knew my folks, you would know that this would have been anathema to them.

I remember my folks, daily – not a day goes by without a memory flooding back. A happy memory. A smile in my heart.

Yesterday, I stood there, in front of that monstrosity and cried. After 6 ½ years of my Dad’s leaving us and 3 years to the day of my Mom being gone, I still cried. This isn’t what either of them would have me do.

My memories of my parents are in my heart, in my brain and they are good memories. They are happy memories. It is how they would have wanted to be remembered. Now, I must spend a good amount of time, wiping the thought of that plaque, the cemetery, regardless of the scenery, from my mind. Nothing happy is connected to that place.

I don’t know why I went to the cemetery. So that tongues wouldn’t wag? Possibly. No…probably.

I won’t do it again. No one has the right to determine how I choose to remember my parents. If I choose to avoid a place of endings, of death, of grief and choose instead to recall happy times through memory and through photos, that is my choice and a choice of which my parents would approve.

Keep memory in your own way and allow others to keep memory in their way. Few things are as personal as honouring loved ones who have left us.

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Rage; for Erin

rageWent to a wonderful surprise party last night. Yes, I do come out of my hermit hole every now and then… In conversation with an old family friend (she’s not old, we’ve just known her for a long time); it was pointed out to me that I seem to have a lot of pent up rage. 😉

The blog does make it seem that way, doesn’t it?

Not really. I do get frustrated by stupidity, ignorance and general human misbehaviour however and the police frown on my expressing myself by way of my affect of choice. Something about assault and battery…silly law and so? I blog my frustrations, my total confusion with stupidity and ignorance.

Actually, I am a very content individual. I thank my lucky stars for my life every single day. I live in Canada, I have food, shelter, family and a job. I have an amazing bunch of friends – intelligent, perhaps eccentric in the view of mainstream society but where’s the fun in living in the box?

I am who I am due to my parents, my extended family and my friends. My family are all eccentrics, going way back…way, way back. Eccentricity is in my genes.

My husband is an eccentric as well. My kids? Well, poor things had no chance and they are as eccentric as it gets. My Mom…amazing woman. Funny, intelligent and eccentric. My Dad? He was hysterical and again, very eccentric as was his entire family. Mom’s family as well – diverse and eccentric, all. How can you mix Eastern European with Irish and not end up with eccentric???

We are, by and large, a happy bunch. We struggle against the tide of social norms, we try to make sense of our lives in a world that is increasingly more confusing.

Family gatherings are loud, they can be explosive. Family dinners are never quiet, dignified affairs – that isn’t who we are. Some people are terrified by us but eventually they realize, there is no true animosity – just strong opinions.

I love my life. I love my family, my friends. This is the life I dreamed of having as a child – except for my not having a horse 😉 A knight in shining armor at my side, a family full of diversity and fun. There is nothing more to need or want.

Sometimes this blog seems angry and bitter – that is only due to my sadness that so many people will never know the good, the happiness and joy that is my life. Sadly, a good lot of the time, in North America or this Western civilization – it is the fault of the individual. Their concept of success and happiness is so terribly skewed.

Erin – I’ll see if I can’t post a “happy” type blog every now and then, know that these will be for you 😉 Great seeing you last night.

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