Tag Archives: elder abuse

Elder Abuse; it is our problem


Socio-economic status is, quite obviously, not protection from elder abuse.

Our social fabric is seeing the impact of the Baby Boomers on our economy, our healthcare and sadly, the incidents of the inexcusable abuse of these individuals, as they enter their “golden” years.

Society is judged by its treatment of its most vulnerable and as a society, we are failing.

There are so many facets to the problems of dealing with an aging population but there is one thing, that we can all offer, and it costs us nothing but grants so many rewards. Time.

Just time.

  1. Time as a gift to a family caregiver; allowing them to take a day, a night or if possible, a weekend away from the responsibility of caring for an elder relative.
  2. Time spent at the care facility, if the relative has been placed in such an environment.
  3. Time spent talking to doctors/nurses/aides in charge of the elder’s care.
  4. Time spent talking with the elder relative or friend; listening to their concerns.
  5. Time spent watching the interaction between staff and your relative/friend.
  6. Time spent by taking the relative/friend out for a walk, even if it just around a facility’s grounds.
  7. Time spent discussing medical care with doctors/nurses and aides, ensuring that our elder relative/friend understands their treatment and options.
  8. Time spent preparing a special meal or a morning coffee/tea to share.
  9. Time spent ensuring that all our relative/friend’s financial dealings are above board.
  10. Time spent to stave off loneliness, ensuring our relative or friend knows that he/she has not been forgotten.

Following the passing of my father; it became clear that living alone, in the family home was not in my mother’s best interest. Mom, my husband and myself decided that the best option was for her to move in with us. My husband and my sons constructed an in-law suite for her, complete with her own kitchenette, a separate bedroom and bath/laundry room. She would have her privacy and we would have ours. In all honesty, it also provided me with a way to ensure she was taking her medications/eating properly.

This was a huge adjustment for all of us but, I will never regret the decision. I was able to be there for my mother, as she was for me and believe me..I was not the easiest child with whom to deal. My memories of the 3 years Mom lived with us, are wonderful, coming home from work and seeing her. Sharing our ups and downs; trying to help her with the monumental grief of losing my Dad, they had been married for 60 years when he passed away.

Caring for an elder relative/friend, allowing them to feel needed, loved doesn’t take much. Just some of your time. It really is such a small thing but means so much. Time can help to prevent abuse, depression and loneliness. Time will create memories that we can hold in our hearts, long after we have to say good-bye to our loved one. Time costs us nothing to give but the pay back in priceless.

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Former millionaire, 92, says own children took his life savings


So it appears, his daughter –  Anne Filippone and his elder son, Sam Stoopnikoff scavenged and stole off their own father.  Filippone is an “accountant” – I don’t think I would want her handling my financial affairs.

This abuse is starting to show up more and more as the self-entitled Baby Boomer segment of society decide that what constitutes their parents’ possessions also belongs to them but with none of the responsibilities.

If you didn’t earn it; if you didn’t work for it?  It isn’t yours.  Take it because of some mistaken believe that DNA gives you title?  You are a thief, nothing more.

More examples of Baby Boomers and the abuse of their parents;   https://wickedemerald.wordpress.com/2016/06/12/family-leaves-grandmother-in-er-for-a-week/

sam-stoopnikoff anne-filippone

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Elder Abuse – One Root Cause

This is my Mom in happier times. The Montreal Gazette presented an article recently, on the topic of elder abuse. It is a very real and very disturbing trend.


Root causes need to be addressed. The stress of the primary caregivers is very complex. In many cases it is the child of the elder in the position of primary caregiver. Not only is caring for the elderly a challenging role but when the elder is a parent, the psychological impact cannot be under-estimated. This person was a parent – the giver of strength. The role model. To watch such a person ill or perhaps suffering from the destruction of self that is dementia is beyond comprehension. It, truly, is something that you have to experience to understand.

Financial abuse is theft – there is no root cause other than a despicable personality at work; so I’m not going to bother with that other than to say, anyone who rips off an elder person is a thief and deserves to go to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect that $200 that isn’t theirs’. Slime.

The psychological abuse of elders is much more destructive. This is something that can be addressed. I would think, more often than not, that abuse is born of stress.

My mother came to live with us, following the death of my father. I am a very lucky woman; my husband is a rock so that the stress of caring for her as she became ill was not something I had to bear alone. He was my eagle eye; he knew when I was starting to come apart and would insist that I go for a walk, take a break. Watching my mother become so frail, watching her in pain and witness her sharp mind being to fail was horrendous. It was heartbreaking, soul wrenching. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for someone without my support system.

If someone in your family is the primary caregiver to an elder parent/sibling/relative; there are ways you can help to prevent elder abuse. Don’t wait until it happens to mount your soapbox. Because? If it happens? You are just as culpable.

Take the elder relative out for lunch, give the caregiver a break. Have the elder relative over for an afternoon, take them shopping or to a movie. If they are too ill to go out; then go over for a few hours allowing the caregiver to decompress, shower…get a haircut…do some shopping.

Go over and do some housekeeping, particularly where the elder relative lives.

Take over a doctor or hospital appointment or three….

Take the elder relative for a drive.

Give the caregiver some personal time; allow them to process what is going on in this new role, in which they find themselves. The gift of time to themselves, away from the worry, the constant monitoring of medications, the cleaning, the heartbreak…this is the root core. Caregivers are 24/7. When you are home, watching television, scrolling the ‘net? The caregiver is on high alert for any sound. Their sleep is light. They are constantly going over mental lists of medications and times, doctor appointments, worrying about the emotional health of the relative as well as physical. Trying to come up with new ways to ease the life of the elder. Worrying about future challenges; studying safety technologies – elder proofing their homes. Worry is their state of being. Fear is their companion.

The caregiver needs care as well, in order to be the best they can be for their Mom/Dad/brother/sister. There is a way to stem the tide of elder abuse; attack that root cause. Be the support system for the person who stepped up and took charge. They need our help.

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Truth Hurts

Let’s put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks. They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.  They would have access to a library, weight room,spiritual counseling, pool, and education.  Simple clothing , shoes, slippers, P.J.’s and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard ,with gardens.  Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V, radio, and daily phone calls.  There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards would have a strictly adhered code of conduct.

The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised, lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  They would live in a tiny room, and pay $3000.00 per month and have no hope  of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

Credit:  http://elder-abuse-cyberray.blogspot.com/2010/05/lets-put-seniors-in-jail-and-criminals.html

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