50 Levels of Stupid; Jian Ghomeshi

imageJian Ghomeshi is in a whole heap of trouble.  He should be the poster boy for, the “No means NO!” campaign. I am also fairly sure that the legitimate practitioners of the lifestyle choice of BDSM would love to see his face printed on toilet paper, embossed on a dartboard or floor mat.

It appears, and I am forming an opinion based on numerous pieces of information, including Ghomeshi’s own diatribe on social media, that Ghomeshi is using the BDSM community as his rationale for sexual assault.  I read Mr. Ghomeshi’s “explanation/justification” and it is a pile of half-truths, fantasy and criminal misappropriation of informed consent.

BDSM lifestyles are complex balancing acts of emotional needs, tight controls and complex multidimensional relationship dynamics.  A true BDSM choice takes time and effort. It requires immense amounts of open communication.  It fulfills the emotional and psychological requirements of all participants.  That is BDSM.

Leaving bruises, employing auto-erotic asphyxia on a partner, without clear and concise consent is sexual assault. Period.  Someone telling a potential partner that they like “rough sex” is the sexual equivalent of saying that an individual like “to eat”.  The questions as to what, exactly, someone means by “rough sex” need to be asked and answered.  Rough sex is NOT BDSM.  BDSM has mutually agreed upon boundaries and the all-important “safe word” which upon utterance, immediately, ends the activity. If the activity does not cease, it becomes non-consensual and therefore sexual assault, if the participants are so engaged.

Most of us have had a relationship end and have felt hell’s fury of the jilted lover, so some sympathy could have been afforded Ghomeshi…at first. Then he opened his mouth, metaphorically, on social media. It became clear that this is a man who believes himself superior and above the social mores of society. A man who, it seemed to me, gets a sick kick out of subjugating women. He is not a practitioner OF BDSM. He appears, to me – personally, as just another sexually adolescent bastard who gets his rocks off brutalizing women.

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