Vikings, Vampires, Werewolves and Boobs

viking_santaI know, from experience, what tags will bring the most views. Currently, it is “Camel Toe” and this segues into this blog, quite nicely. It is a debasing term – Camel Toe. Look it up. Kind of gross to witness. Makes you wonder if there isn’t a shortage of mirrors.

The conversation that gave birth to this session of the mind wandering was actually very innocent; it was a couple of us commenting on Sony’s recent acquisition of a Santa Claus script where old Santy is some sort of hell raising Viking. (http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/winters-knight-sony-picking-up-684529). A friend, quite rightly, queried, “WHY?!”

I have my opinion. I know, such a shock…

It may be that the internet and the world of immediate response are simply emphasizing what has always been; society and its penchant for fantasy and voyeurism. So much simpler than reality and reaching upwards. I get that. Reality can be a bitch but that’s what we have to work with and we have to strive to make the best of it. Improve it and ourselves. The media simply feeds what we ask it to provide. And, we seem to be asking to have non-invasive lobotomies performed vis a vis dopey scripts and really dumb television shows. I get that escapism is a wonderful thing; hell – I play a mean round of Skyrim and Candy Crush, personally but it isn’t my reality. These games are nothing more than giving myself a break. I do not enjoy sitting in front of the tube watching nonsense. I prefer documentaries; I prefer something that will stretch the borders of my world. I prefer to learn. No. That’s not right; I, adamantly, claim my right to learn. I do it as a nose thumbing to those who would deny women the right to learn. I do it to prove to myself that anything is possible. I do it because I LOVE to learn. I crave it. I need it. It is my addiction. I refuse to allow the media, government or anyone else for that matter, to tell me that I am not permitted to grow as a human being. I refuse to be dumbed down to a controllable level. Yeah, yeah…I am woman, hear me roar.

My company offers courses, at their expense, when cost is involved but they also offer courses of their own and the response of my co-workers, by and large? Groans and simply deleting e-mails that alert us to these opportunities. The internet itself offers courses in every subject under our skies, many are free but so few see the vistas opening before them, choosing to remain in stasis, part of the cubicle farm herd of employee numbers.

On the one hand, we have screens – small and large where we can be bystanders and sponges of the ridiculous (like this whole Santa Clause rework) or we can use those screens, small and large, to serve as doorways, as portals to worlds to which we all have access. Worlds that allow us to see things through a glass, clearly… History, literature, science, technology, philosophy, humanity’s journey, math, physics – the entire universe is right there, right in front of us and too many walk on by to sit, slack jawed, mesmerized by Charlie Sheen attempting to crack yet another sexist attempt at humour.

We can upgrade our skills, we can learn new skills, we can learn anything we want to learn but instead of climbing the ladder toward our personal summit? We rest somewhere down near the bottom rung; letting ourselves down but worse, letting the world around us down by accepting the lowest denominator. Vikings is not a reality show. It is a fantasy created through light, cameras, improbable costumes and make-up with a whole lot of license taken by script writers. Vampire shows and werewolf movies are make-believe. Vampires do not, will not, cannot, exist. Same goes for werewolves. There is no ripped young man waiting to “take you”. There is no Barbie doll girl with unfortunate eating habits, breasts heaving, in wait for you. If you read a book, you would know this without my having to tell you.

Zombies are simply an impossibility. Think about the nature of gravity and lividity (Livor mortis) in a corpse…now imagine how their feet would look…a dead person is not walking or shambling after you, any time soon. Now take that knowledge and apply it to biology. Learn about the human body and the wonder that it is. Far more fascinating than some saline implant refugee sucking your life blood or ripping out your throat. Don’t just watch Big Bang Theory, listen to it – listen to the theories, listen to the math, investigate these topics and widen your borders. Open your mind. There is nothing more freeing, nothing more satisfying or entertaining than education.

Stop making the likes of Nicole Kidman or Ashton Kutcher obscenely rich. Hand those dollars over to the likes of
Malcolm Clarke (The Lady in Number 6), start a trend for our dollars to go into universities, to enrich online education possibilities. When those bean counters see less and less profit from advertising, their money will join your money and we all win, through opportunities to learn. A positive offshoot will be scaring the dickens out of the politicians who are more than happy to see our attention focused on fantasy and dream worlds. Get out there, turn off Two and a half Men, tune out Ellen and Oprah – find your opportunity for growth. Take it, seed it, weed it and harvest it – create a smorgasbord of knowledge for yourself, your family and your friends.

Santa Claus isn’t real and you best believe he wasn’t a Viking. If he were, he would be eating Donner and Blitzen, not teaching them to fly.


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