Goddam…

Do what thou wiltDo you have to be hit by a goddam brick??

I do believe that would be the question being posed to me of late. I fell off from my study – life has been such a bitch the past few years. Yeah, yeah – an excuse but a valid one. Deep thought was simply beyond me. There has been just so much of the mundane bullshit with which I had to deal; family, work, societal issues…illness, loss, birth, joining, gossip, rotten minded people (I refuse to call them evil, they are simply not that smart).

Every time I move off into a direction of total disbelief, something comes along to “whack me upside the head” and usually, hard; it would have to be hard because I have tendency to be rather stubborn. I tend to dismiss little messages or not notice them at all. I have a sister in this tendency, whom I shall not name, but lives in a district known for its mining. Red hair. Bricks are the fates’ tools of choice when dealing with the two of us, it would seem.

It’s no secret that I tend toward a Thelemic philosophy; I eschew a lot of the ritual aspects, I’m afraid. I find them pompous and irrelevant when you get right down to it. Any higher power that is unable to discern a message or inquiry is really not that much of a higher power, at all. Hebrew is not my language of birth; it is not a language with which I am comfortable and so it will lost in the translation. All languages lose in translation. Vibrations can be sent in English as well as in Hebrew or so I believe.

An aside: I find that men are drawn to ritual, more so than are women. Just a general observation of the people I have come to know. I have always believed in the concept of intent; if the intent is strong, then that alone is the key.

About a week ago, a book arrived, one that I had forgotten that I had ordered, it was a book of Crowley’s rituals. For a few weeks prior to the arrival of the book? Crowley kept popping into my head – I even dreamed about the old Bugger (he was an asshole in the dream). A couple of times at work, I amused myself with the inner question made popular by the Christians using their Jesus; “What would Jesus do?” I asked myself “What would Crowley do?” I didn’t action the answer otherwise I would, more than likely, be on the unemployment line 😉 It amused though and humour does help alleviate stress.

Then, I’m standing outside, having a smoke and watching my, now, fishless pond (Great Blue Heron) when I find myself thinking about Crowley and his invocation rituals, which led to a train of thought centered on demons. I don’t believe in demons per se but I was having a bit of time reconciling them with a definition with which I could live. My brain, my choice. It became clear to me that demons are not, in and of themselves, exterior beings but rather manifestations of our own dark sides and therefore, when invoking demons in a ritual, with the proper safeguards and understanding, they are absolutely controllable. Demons only run ramshod when we do not acknowledge and accept them as our own.

Yesterday, I’m involved in the oh-so-dull task of cleaning my living room and as I have a short attention span when it comes to housework; I usually pop in a movie and listen to it, while I dust and polish and pick up odd bits of raw hide from the dog. I couldn’t decide what to watch, so I figured I’d do a blind “eeny meeny miney moe” method. Closed my eyes and picked, it was “In Search of the Great Beast 666”. Nope. Needed something else and closed my eyes again; “Chemical Wedding.” Well, hadn’t watched that in a while and it didn’t require as much attention as does the first pick. But, Crowley again.

I’m thinking that perhaps I need to get back to my study of Thelema, of Crowley and the philosophy that has drawn me for so many years.

I believe that the answers mankind has sought will be found in science; in discoveries that will be made long after I have turned to dust and scattered to the winds of the forgotten.

I believe that the old concepts of “god” are dying and this new Aeon will allow mankind to throw off the shackles of religion. Throw off false pieties and social convention born of purism, of censorship, of a society more outraged by the real or imaged sexual activities between adults than it is of the obscene taking of innocent lives. More scandalized by two members of the same sex, exchanging a kiss or a vow than it is by babies being blown to bits by bombs.

The work will be hard, it will be long but mankind will be elevated, men and women will be stars.

scarlet woman


4 Comments

Filed under Whatnot

4 responses to “Goddam…

  1. Blow it out yer ear 😉

  2. Colleen

    Stubborn? You?? Ignore messages? you?? Naaaaaaaah!!! *runs and hides*

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