Go figure – I pull the Lovers on Yule and 2013 is the Lovers year. Balance. So I need more balance – the world needs more balance. I can’t control the world but I can exercise some control over my own little world. This isn’t a resolution, per se, I have seen far too many New Year’s resolutions fall by the wayside to put much faith in my ability to hold to even one of them.
This is more of a pledge based on some self-assessment. I’ve been a bit of a yo-yo over the past few years (yeah, yeah – go ahead, get yer one-liners out of your system…finished? Okay.), emotionally or psychologically, yo-yoing back and forth, up and down, not really paying attention to what I was doing. Not doing much of any importance, just bouncing around aimlessly. Hitting the end of my rope and rolling back.
My Dad’s passing had a lot to do with this, I think. Getting older also plays into this…the realization that the dreams of youth have really passed to dusk from dawn. I will never dance for a ballet troupe, I’ll never write the GREAT CANADIAN NOVEL and I will never make it to Katmandu. C’est la vie, mes amis. Time to create some new dreams. It’s much harder to do as you age – some dreams will land you in the chiropractors office…some will land you in a rubber room with a specially designed jacket. No, these new dreams have to have a soupçon of common sense. Maybe a bit more than a soupçon, maybe a gallon or a peck of common sense.
I love listening to younger folks tell me how I can do anything I want to do….the optimism is mildly amusing. No. There comes a time when you must realize your limitations – physical perhaps, emotionally and psychologically. You realize, for example, that the world is not, nor has it ever been, filled with basically, good people. The world does have good people, some with rather suspicious motivations perhaps, but there is a huge portion of truly evil assholes out there who would love nothing more than to make as many people suffer, purely for their own enjoyment. That’s a truism. We can wish for a better world but as long as there are people, this is the reality and the world we are stuck with…best understand this and move ahead with caution.
So, I have assigned a task to myself – to try to create and maintain some sense of balance and fun in my life. Fun has been, most noticeably, absent of late. I haven’t gone camping, for example, in a few years. I love camping. I haven’t gone to a museum in…I can’t remember when…the last movie I went to see, in a cinema, was the final Terminator movie. Yes, a valid reason to shy away from movies forever but the mental scars have healed, time to move ahead. I would like to see The Hobbit – I am a LoTR fan/geek/nerd.
Find a bar with a half-decent pool table and maybe go out for a few games. I have a full stock of candlemaking gear – I think I’ll pull it out and see what I can create. Go to a few more of hubby’s hockey games, I always enjoy those.
I do need to volunteer again; I’ve missed that.
There are a lot of ways for me to retain the balance that I’ve lost. Regain of the joy of living, I once entertained.
Happy New Year All and a Balanced 2013 to You.