LEAN, 5’s and Corporate Wankers

 

 

If you have never heard of the LEAN or Kaizen programs?  Fall to your knees in supplication and thanks.  It is absolutely and totally ridiculous.  I do give kudos to the sales staff of these programs and their ability to milk millions out of corporate talking heads; it smacks of genius.  Sell them something that is available for free (see http://wp.me/pW4rF-86 ); P.T. Barnum comes to mind “There is a sucker born every minute.”

The LEAN absurdity bases itself on the 5’s.  5 points that should be no-brainers to any walking, breathing and presumably sentient human being; here are the points for those incredibly fortunate individuals who have not had their intelligence and professionalism insulted…as yet…

1.  Sorting
2.  Straighten
3.  Sweeping/shining
4.  Standardize
5.  Sustain

Could this be any more ridiculous?  Millions paid out for the obvious and an absolute personification of the emperors having no clothes. 5’s…this is all just common sense and good work practice.

LEAN and the 5’s are the ways and means to create a world reminiscent of the George Orwell novel “1984”.  A world where there is no individuality, there is no innovation or creative thought process; a world of gray.  Stalin would on the LEAN bandwagon with pom-poms waving.  Imagine, as a professional, as working adult, being told that you require little labels to be put on your desk, identifying where your stapler should be, where your keyboard should be placed and the reasoning given?  So you are aware if something is missing.  I know, gentle reader, that you may think that I exaggerate or that I am having you on, I only wish that I were.  It is the truth.  Labels and shadow boards, as if we are all in kiddie day care and need constant supervision.  Some companies go so far as to require employees to all dress in corporate colours, creating slogans and even jingles.

If one decides that this is not going to happen in their world?  If one stands up and says “I am NOT a corporate automaton!”, they are quickly whisked off and told to toe the line or leave.  I toe nobody’s line and if this means I must leave?  So be it.  Adieu to Big Brother.  I will not be a part of your Oceania.

All this money spent, in an economy that sees entire countries crashing and burning due to debt load, when the solution to creating more efficient workplaces sits in front of these boardroom robots.  All they needed to do was to ask, ask the great unwashed who shore up their ridiculous decision making, their tossing of money away on ill-conceived plans of action.  The soldiers of the front lines have always had a grasp of reality, have always been the place to go for answers but apparently when a human being is bestowed a title, it comes at a cost – common sense, coherent and logical thought processes and yes, even working brain cells are removed.  You don’t crash through the glass ceiling without paying the ferryman.

Innovative thought, creative solutions are banned under the weight of the 5’s and LEAN; companies refuse to admit that the system is ridiculous, that all the money spent was for naught.  How could solutions be found within the employee base?  After all, what do the employees know?  They have no title, they don’t sit at boardroom tables, ergo, they are simply too stupid to understand the BIG PICTURE.  Well, I am one of the great unwashed and I do see the BIG PICTURE and I see it clearly..again, I say – the Emperors have no clothes and if it takes a plebe, a peon to point this out?  Then we are in more financial trouble, as a species than I previously believed.

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