Jealousy

Jealousy. Green-eyed monster. I get envy. I don’t get jealousy. Envy can push you to heights when harnessed properly; jealousy, on the other hand, can drill you to an absolute low.

I envy people who can hold a tune. I cannot. Cats run away, dogs howl and windows crack whenever I am so ill-inclined to burst into song. I am sure, at our city’s council meetings, they are discussing a by-law to prohibit me from ever singing again. The airport is complaining that their radar signals are being compromised.

I am not, however, jealous. Jealousy covets, it takes, it clings, it stifles and eventually, it always kills. Usually love. Nobody can survive in a relationship that has been corrupted by jealousy. Someone once told me and for the life of me, I can’t remember who it was, “Jealousy is simply a transference. The individual puts themselves in the position of another and judges that individual by their own behaviour.” So, at a party, when a wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend encounters their significant other talking with a member of the opposite sex and consequently blows a gasket over the conversation – they are simply transferring themselves into the situation. The truly untrustworthy individual is the one exhibiting jealousy. It has nothing to do with “past” experiences; that’s a load of crock. It is and always shall be, transference.

Another faux pearl that the jealous individual will often use is, “I’m jealous because I love you SO much.” Bullshit. Love cannot tolerate jealousy. Jealousy is a lack of trust, of faith in the partner’s commitment to a relationship. Jealousy never shrinks and goes away, it grows, and its roots strangle, eventually killing the wondrous flower of love. No one can tolerate the feeling of not being trusted by the most important person in the life.

Personally, I don’t see the point of jealousy. I’ve seen it often and it simply boggles my mind. I’ve mentioned, I have 3 sons and so, I have seen a lot of girls and women wander in, wander out of their lives. My husband and I can usually tell which ones will eventually find their photos deleted from our computer. You can’t force fidelity on someone who is not so inclined. Sometimes, things just happen and you have a choice; pick up the pieces and figure out what went wrong or walk away to try with someone else. The former is the correct choice. If the relationship is worth saving of course, if you have the character required to confront mistakes and correct them. Walking away is akin to the fleeing instinct. For some, this is all that they can do but in the end, when their lives have reached the finish line, they will find that they have spent their lives fleeing adversity and are the poorer for it. Standing and fighting for what you believe in is the only way to build character. Every time you run from a problem, every time you hide away, a little more of your character dissolves.

Infidelity is a modern concept. Mankind has never been known for its ability to remain faithful. We are animals, after all and buried deep in our DNA – men have a primal need to spread the seed whereas women have the need to procure the best of the seeds. We can rise above the primal but it is more difficult for some than for others. There does come a time when one must decide if infidelity is a chronic condition or it was a one-time mistake. Infidelity is a dangerous game these days. Disease being the primary and most evident concern, followed by unwanted off-spring and in a few rare cases, the Fatal Attraction syndrome.

The pain felt upon the discovery of an infidelity is an injury to pride. The realization that total trust was misplaced; it takes a long, long time to heal those kinds of wounds but they can be healed. There will be scarring but only the amount of scarring that we permit to occur.

Infidelity won’t ruin your life. It won’t impact fate. It won’t decide your destiny. It is a temporary blip on the map of your life. To put it bluntly? Shit happens. You either deal with it or you turn and run with your tail between your legs.

Jealousy is pointless. It is ruinous. It will cast dark shadows on your ability to achieve a real relationship – a grown up partnership. I’ve known women jealous of their significant other’s mother, sisters, cousins and of course, friends. In those cases, jealousy is truly a sickness. An obvious sign of a lack of character. Not a positive indicator for the future of the relationships that they choose to poison. By the same token, I have known men like that as well – I’ve had more than my share of relationships coloured by jealousy. It drove me away. I won’t be anyone’s possession and really? Isn’t that also how one can define jealousy? Treating another human being as a possession, to be owned.

Jealousy is a sickness, it is a poison. It is the blight of the immature soul.

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