Pornography

I was watching interviews with Ted Bundy the other day and while most of what he had to say was self-serving (understandably so, as he was facing his own imminent execution), he brought up an interesting point regarding pornography. His logic was skewed but mirrored what I’ve heard before regarding the topic; pornography is the root of all sex crimes.

Bundy stated that all the really bad actors he had met and spoken with, in prison, all had one thing in common, pornography. It seemed to me that he was trying to blame pornography as a large contributing factor to his acts and the acts of those aforementioned bad actors in prison.

It is an opinion that seems to be a common one. I think it is a load of crap, personally. There are millions, if not billions of people who view pornography to no ill-effect. The statistics bear this out. Men view pornography more than do women, or it could be that women lie about it as viewing pornography is still seen as taboo for women. During some wine/alcohol fueled discussions with other women, frank discussions, the consensus was that we, as women, don’t seem to require the visual stimulation as much as men. We are able to employ the imaginative side of our brains without the need for visual help. There is that and also the plain fact that most pornography is geared toward men. The mark is sorely missed with women. Most of the porn available is simply of no interest to women. We are intimately familiar with how our genitalia appears and watching another woman’s parts up close and personal holds not attraction or very little.

Too much of the pornography available is simply so off the mark as to be of absolutely no interest to women. For example, having someone ejaculate all over our faces, in our hair and clothing is, well…just damn annoying. It means we need to get up, go to the washroom – get rid of the stuff, probably have to wash and blow-dry our hair. It is inconvenient and not sexually appealing at all. It is just messy.

I viewed a porn video that touted itself as being produced by a woman and would therefore appeal to women. No. It didn’t. It was just the same thing but with filters and special lighting.

Pornography is part of the human condition. It has its appeal. Whether or not we agree with it simply doesn’t matter. It will not be going away. Obviously there are types of pornography that have no place in a civilized society; it doesn’t take a PhD to figure this out. There is no place among sentient beings for child porn, porn that involves animals or violence against another human being. I’m not talking about BDSM stuff – there is a segment of our population whereby BDSM IS their life. It is how they live and maintain their relationships. BDSM is a mutually agreed contract between 2 adults. In the privacy of their home or neighbourhood commercial dungeon; the key to this is, paramount, and the key is CONSENTING adults. When there is no consent, real or implied as in a simulated rape, then that is unacceptable. This is where law has to come in – when an act involves a non-consensual individual, implied or sickeningly, a real forced act, then heavy jail time should be invoked for all involved…producers, directors, actors and yes, those who buy or view it.

Let’s get back to Bundy’s logic for a moment, in my opinion, like everything else about Bundy, his logic is totally bizarre. He seems to be saying that pornography is the cause of sexual battery/abuse crimes. He states that all the sexual criminals have that one thing in common, pornography. I would disagree, strenuously. The viewing of pornography is common throughout society – it isn’t pornography that drives sexual criminals to commit their crimes, there is something else these people have in common…diseased psyches. That is the problem, not pornography. If pornography were the cause? There would be far more cases of sexual battery than we see now. It would be rampant, no man or woman would be safe.

The men I know and have known view porn and to no ill-effect. They don’t run out behind bushes with raincoats. They certainly do not engage in violence acts committed against non-consensual partners. Pornography is, by and large, a harmless sexual fantasy outlet, for men and to a smaller extent, women. Violent sexual deviants have another thing in common, whether due to their diseased psyches or not, they all blame someone or something else for their heinous behaviours. Porn is their favourite scapegoat. I have a feeling that the porn these people seek out is not the same porn viewed by the majority of the populace, harmless sexual encounters in the office, on the beach, by the pool or wherever. Sexual activities that perhaps men and women are reticent to suggest to their significant other. A little trip down fantasy lane is not a bad thing, it isn’t a harmful thing.

There are wives out there who cannot accept that their husbands view porn or may masturbate to porn, calling it “infidelity.” No. It isn’t infidelity, there isn’t something “wrong” with the marriage/relationship. It is simply a normal act of sexual release. I can’t say, in all honesty, that I’m thrilled if my husband views porn but it has nothing to do with my view that he’s, somehow, cheating. My problem is self-confidence. I no longer look like a nubile 20 year old. I’ve had kids. I have the extra belly that comes from having children. I am older and gravity has done what gravity has always done to the human form. Things are not quite as “perky” as they once were. I worry about comparisons; comparisons that I cannot match. It is a self-image issue, not an issue of whether or not he is being unfaithful by watching porn. He is indulging in a normal sexual release activity. My self-image issues aren’t his problem to bear, the issues are mine own with which I need to deal.

I watch porn, not often because as I mentioned, porn has yet to be produced that is geared to a female audience. I don’t know that I could even identify how to make porn more appealing to women. Close up shots of a penis doesn’t seem to do it for women. Situations? I don’t know. A female audience is proving to be a very tough nut to crack (no pun intended). No one seems to have come up with a successful formula to date. I imagine, as with men, there are many variants. I don’t think there is one successful formula. Each market would have to be identified and the needs met. Like men, not all women find the same things to be sexually gratifying. Some women like the whole submissive thing, while others would rather eat dirt than have to be submissive in a sexual situation. Some women, like men, enjoy anal sex – others would rather give up sex altogether if anal played any part.

Some women enjoy oral sex, others do not. So a producer/director in the porn industry would have a tough time of it, I think. The industry doesn’t believe women to be a viable audience and so women are left out of the equation when it comes time to creating a marketable product.

I don’t know why common or normal run-of-the-mill pornography is such a forbidden or scorned subject. I don’t really understand the hysterical condemnation of it. It has its place. It fulfills a need for the human condition and as long as it involves consenting adults? What’s the big deal? I would rather see my husband watching porn than watching some movie where people are getting shot, blown up or worse. You never know when you can pick up a tip that will enhance your own sex life.

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